After eating only Thai curries for 3 weeks, I’m happy to have some variety in hippie expat community of Srithanu on Ko Phangan, Thailand! Here’s some of what I’ve been eating (minus the loads of cashews in my bungalow). This post is for you, Lux, since you hate all the contemplation that’s been going on in my recent posts.
I’ve been waking up at 4:30am as usual. It’s dark, and my bungalow has the usual mix of rumpled clothing and electronics strewn about. I cough up a lung from the air conditioning, which has dried the entire inside of my body. It’s freezing. I thought 29 degrees celsius was supposed to be close to sweltering. Too lazy to look at the conversion to fahrenheit.
My current routine involves staring up at the ceiling until the dawn light starts to creep in and then running next door to Samma Karuna for 7:15am vipassana meditation. A guy robed in white sort of leads this class in a sort of pagoda-like structure right off the beach. By leads, I mean he sits there and hits two bells together three times at the end of the hour. A barely audible recording plays in the background where an oldish sounding Indian guy utters a few words every 20 minutes. It adds an air of authenticity about the whole situation, but otherwise, it feels somewhat unnecessary…except perhaps to bring you closer to the present. Continue reading Quiet time
Jaybird flew away yesterday to Krabi-land. Today he landed in Singapore. It’s the first time I’ve been truly alone since Bali in July. The past three weeks have been a bubble with me and Jay getting to know each other in an intense and accelerated way. Travel bubble style. It reminds me of the experience of making friends at camp.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been slowly getting off the social train. There was the intense experience in Jeju, Korea with a community of 35 other digital nomads. A subset of us ended up in Seoul for a few weeks. And then to Ko Phangan – just Jay and myself settling in to thaw, relax, and detox during rainy season.
At some point, I realized I needed to take the next step and just be alone. And so began the truly spiritual component of my stay here in magical Ko Phangan.
Continue reading First day alone-alone
The other day, I was on Google Hangouts with one of my closest friends. He and I met in the elevator on the way to orientation at the hedge fund I worked at. In spite of the fact that we’re seemingly very different, we instantly became close friends. He’s an Indian genius programmer with a PhD who wrote his dissertation on blackbox systems (or something, whatever). I’m a scattered and uselessly overly educated Asian-American New Yorker…I don’t even know how else to describe myself.
I consider him a great philosopher, and many of our conversations over California Pizza Kitchen or dosas or comedy or hiking trips have meandered over the topic of self-development. Many of my greatest life tips have come from him. For example, to feel presence, just pay attention to your feet and how they’re pressing into the earth. Or, focus on one goal or habit at a time until it is ingrained. I know few people who read as voraciously as he does about philosophy, good living, and the spiritual aspects of life. I also kind of feel like he’s memorized the entire YouTube corpus…or maybe the internet at large.
In this particular conversation, I was staring out a some beach and he had just arrived in India. “The mind…it keeps yapping at you, no matter what,” he said. No matter how much we can gain control of our external world, the struggle to gain control of our internal world can be beyond elusive. Continue reading Our life is the creation of our mind
Ko Phangan is known for its full moon parties. The island’s population swells and adds another 10,000 to 30,000 people for this event. Imagine tons of young 20-somethings partying and dancing on the beach wearing neon and body paint. The massive beach is lined with different DJs and music options.
The other night in Gili Air, I was looking for wifi to cancel my flight (again). My flight was supposed to take off…in a few hours from now actually. I stomped onto the beaches of multiple restaurants demanding the code and stomped out. In one particular restaurant – Chillout Bungalows – I went for the multiple-entry stomping.
Suddenly, I heard, “Excuse me.” I looked up and saw a laid-back-looking blonde guy. I had noticed him looking at me with bemusement the last few times I had stomped onto the beach to decipher the piece of paper handed to me by the waiter and type in the “username” and “password” fields. Hands up in air! How the F is anyone supposed to understand these instructions????????
“Thank god!” I thought. “This guy knows the wifi password.” Continue reading Traveling alone
When the wifi gods are cooperating with me, I’ll have to upload photos. I’m on a tiny little island called Gili Air near Lombok. It is part of an archipelago of three Gili Islands – Gili Trawangan (party island), Gili Meno (fairly deserted), and Gili Air (still very quiet but a bit in the middle).
I had considered coming here at the beginning of my Bali trip, but due to full boats and other considerations, I had crossed it off the list. When I was in Amed, I met a German family, and we snorkeled together. Afterwards, the father, Neil, approached me and told me I should go to Gili Air, to Manta Dive, and complete my open water certification. I really didn’t give it much thought except that I remembered SCUBA being on my 2016 New Year’s resolution list (well, less of a resolution and more of a strong interest). I decided to go for it. My full moon meditation/drinking sessions were wearing on me a bit, and I was ready to move on to a place where I could be fully alone. The next day, I was on a boat to Gili Air.
Gili Air is beautiful. Crystal clear turquoise waters, white beaches, and sandy pathways with directional wooden signs listing lodging and food locations. No cars or scooters – just horses. Several times a day, you will hear the haunting call to prayer in the distance (Bali is Hindu, but the rest of Indonesia is Muslim). While most of the island is populated with tourists – largely Danes, French, and Germans – it maintains a relaxed vibe.
Yo, check out that blue water in the background.
And those sunsets…hello-o-o-o?!
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been defrosting. I’m trying to lead a healthy life, feel real feelings, and be less of a corporate robot. It’s been working, and I finally understand why people have been telling me to take time to heal and not rush into a new job. I know even know what I really want or who I really am without the layers of having spent so much time playing different roles to be with different people and hold different jobs.
It’s almost like I’m letting the valve of my subconscious mind open in spurts to release pent up energy, and every day things get just a little bit clearer. Most notably, I’ve been feeling disappointment and pain a lot more and in a more real way that I had previously. When I was working, you could have told me the world was going to end, and I would have coldly and immediately started asking questions to diagnose the gravity of the situation, drafting up a workplan, and assembling a team to save it. And then having regular and daily check-ins as necessary to make sure we were on track. With only resolve and determination, only affected passion (no real emotion), and no real fear. Dead inside. When you’ve gone through so much shit and calamity and everything is crumbling around you, and you’re the only one doing anything about it, and it is exhausting but effective, it’s pretty easy to get in that mode. War. Survival. Live another day. Fight this battle but know there will be the next one coming up in minutes. Nothing could phase me. I was broken inside and despairing, but on the outside, especially when it came to work, everything was goal-oriented and transactional.
Now it’s all starting to come out. Continue reading Spa day, Amed
