All posts by metag

Food, Health & Wellness, Life

Vegetarian, verging on vegan

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I don’t miss meat. The last meat item I ate was a chicken parmesan sandwich I ordered while drunk and crying at a Lower East Side deli. Even more pathetically, it was eaten, still drunk and crying (maybe even verging on sobbing), with only the street lights flickering through my apartment. I woke up the next day to 1/3 of a chicken parmesan sandwich on my couch throw pillow, crusty from the overnight exposure. And that’s the last time I ate meat.

I think it was December 2015 when I was at Kripalu, a retreat in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. I had taken my sister there for her birthday, and we rotated from class to class, from downward dog to mapping out our intentions for the year ahead. I was so stressed out that over the course of those 2 days, I had 5 massages in addition to the regularly scheduled programming.

There was an astrologer on site, and I booked an appointment hoping she would have some answers to help guide me out of my predicament. Predicaments, I suppose. It should have been plural. Continue reading Vegetarian, verging on vegan →

Life

Writing like you talk

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Sometimes life themes find you. You are a mirror for the experiences you attract, so I guess you also find those themes.

Everything I’m doing right now seems oriented around finding and expressing my true authentic voice and self. Every Tuesday evening, I gather with a group of fellow writers, mostly women, to listen and critique each others’ assignments. By critique, I mean mostly compliment. It makes me realize what as asshole I was throughout all of school. I would not only debate everyone in the class. I would also tear the teacher down too. Healthy debate.

My first day felt like time travel. I walked into the little brick West Hollywood building and rounded the corner to enter a suite decorated with all sorts of art, writing posters, and an accumulation of artifacts probably dating back at least a decade or two. Eh, maybe three.

Jack Grapes the instructor was there to greet me. “Ah! You’ve been all around the world!” he boomed and welcomed me with an equally boisterous handshake. My email communications with him included him needing to mail and remail packets to places because I was no longer receiving mail at my apartment in NYC and a check sent by my friend because I was out of the country, wary of sending a check from Cambodia.

“Welcome to the Los Angeles Poets & Writers Collective,” said the TA, Lisa Segal. Continue reading Writing like you talk →

Health & Wellness, Life, Work

Shit might be getting real

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Navigating what you’re going to do with your life sounds daunting. The reality is that the moves you make matter and sure, they sort of do determine the course of your life and all your future opportunities. Eh, but nothing is permanent.

Traveling is a great activity and mode for gaining perspective and finding the source of who you are. When you take yourself out of your usual role and context in the life you’ve carefully (or not so carefully) constructed, there is blankish slate for you to start to draw out some options. Traveling also makes you realize that all the minutiae you think matters doesn’t matter. Who cares who’s going to come out with the first driverless cars? Yes, these things can change our world pretty fundamentally, but I don’t know that they’re at the core of where meaning comes from. We don’t engage with that often enough. We are human beings, not just a string of technological events we create, engage in, or are excluded from that we like to label progress. All that is meaningful in that way seems relegated to our private lives rather than our collective sense of belonging. There are probably just too many of us out there. It’s hard to see that we’re all part of the same continuous blob if we zoom out far enough. Continue reading Shit might be getting real →

Life

Silver Lake or is it Silverlake?

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A simple Google search could clear that up. I moved for the month of February to Silver Lake, the hipster artsy area of LA. Like much of the rest of LA, there is still significant sprawl. It has some elements of walkability, but it’s still mostly designed to be driven.

Cold, rainy LA and warm, sunny LA are two different places. It’s hard to compare geography without that layer.

My apartment is quiet, artsy. It has a hallowed feel about it. My friend Lily came to pick me up the other day, and I think she was scared. “I’m at the pink house,” she said. I ran out to Decanso and saw her Volvo parked in front of a gorgeous pink house. “Uh no, wrong pink house.” I redirected her to my alleyway entrance. And to be fair, it does have a creepy motel vibe about it. It’s Silver Lake, not Beverly Hills. The scene may suggest murder, but you’re probably going to be fine. Continue reading Silver Lake or is it Silverlake? →

Life, Politics

Dear Donald

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I want to acknowledge you. I realize you have your agenda. I have to believe that you’re doing what you believe is right for this country.

There is something to be said about America regaining its former strength. Our country is rife with problems and hasn’t always taken a strong stance on the issues that matter. We do have a lot to fix.

One reason why we have earned the right to be the world’s superpower and guarantee economic cooperation, interdependence, and the security of many nations is that we have stood for democracy, tolerance, and equality. We have been a friend to many nations. We have stood up for what’s “right” in the world. The world accepts our hegemony because we’ve been the “benevolent hegemon.”

History shows that periods of isolationism, nationalism, and contraction have been periods of darkness.

Making America great again is a concept I can get behind. What makes America great is opportunity and plurality in ways of being. Our role on the global stage is to promote freedom, ensure security, and help fuel economic growth.

Let’s invest in education, infrastructure, saving the planet, technology. Enlightenment. Progress.

That’s the way to make this country great again.

I wish I had something more eloquent and well-researched to say, but I’m lazy, and I just wanted to start by saying something.

Life

Cold sunshine

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It’s cold here in LA. There is a lot of space. I shiver and wrap myself on Lily’s air mattress in Beverly Hills.

My days usually begin with Starbucks iced coffee sitting at a high top on Olympic Blvd. I need to warm my frosty hands periodically and wear a beanie to retain my head warmth. This isn’t the LA of my mind, but it’s okay to recalibrate to the cold.

Culturally, LA is extremely different from NYC in both good and bad ways. Mostly good. I traveled all around Asia and Europe, and I haven’t felt as much culture shock as I have trying to adjust to life in this city. Some of the good aspects are that people are generally nicer and more supportive. As my friend Nicole (an East Coast transplant) puts it, “You just have fewer or no negative interactions here.” The industry focus is different, resting on entertainment. Many people know what it’s like to struggle in a creative sense, and I feel that there’s a much more supportive community and vibe here. The undercurrent in NYC by contrast is more testing. I’m going to push you. Can you handle it? The other side of being so nice, of course, is that there is sometimes a kind of artifice that I can’t understand. I understand NYC hard-charging fakeness. I don’t really understand LA fakeness yet. It confronts me in voice and intonation, but I don’t really even know how to place it. This isn’t real. Do they actually hate me? Are they going to murder me in my sleep? Continue reading Cold sunshine →

Life, Travel, Work

Early days in LA

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The Uber pulled up to my Lower East Side apartment. My friend Melanie helped me lug my luggage downstairs – a suitcase, carry-on, and guitar. She’s been there in a few of my final moment type situations with her mom vibe and encouraging wave. When it comes to life decisions, we are on opposite ends of the spectrum with myself valuing adventure, freedom, and challenge and with her valuing building a good, stable life free of sudden movements. She would never blow up her life in the way that I have. Then again, I was never the type of person who would do something like this until I was someone who would do something like this. Continue reading Early days in LA →

Life, Work

NYC, I’m in love-hate with you. Goodbye.

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The day after my 35th birthday, I boarded a flight back to NYC. I hadn’t been back home since August when I booked a last-minute one-way ticket to London.

Immediately, I was back in it. Back-to-back appointments and meeting people. Dinners, breakfasts, lunches, drinks, texts, emails, communications overload. People were flowing in and out of my life and apartment, jamming into this crowded space we call time. My newly-acquired Fitbit was giving me a lot of positive feedback is the upshot. My Metrocard was being swiped. Uber was making frequent stops. I took a nature trip out to Ramapo in Jersey. Classpass reservations were made as I tried to push myself back in shape. Continue reading NYC, I’m in love-hate with you. Goodbye. →

Life, Travel

2016, 2017, life was a palindrome of experience

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I sealed it, wrapped it up, closed the sequence. Or was it the many layers of an onion or the ages shown in the slices of tree trunks?

When I left corporate life in May, I wasn’t sure where to go and what I should do? I had no real plan, though there was an imprint of one in my head asking to be articulated. I would lay in my bed for hours, mind racing through cities, jobs, and possible futures? I believe strongly in intuition, and I believed that if I kept spinning these options around in my head, one would just feel “right.” But the answers never came, and so instead of thinking myself into an answer, I just started living. Instead of asking my brain if I wanted to move to San Francisco, I got on a plane and went there. Continue reading 2016, 2017, life was a palindrome of experience →

Life, Travel

Drifting into New Year’s

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San Francisco was a nest. I flew in a little hatchling straight into my friend’s house on Guerrero Street in the Mission, and I cozied up in her guest room. From time to time, I would sneak bites of the ever-growing chocolate stash accumulating in her kitchen. This was her latest project, obsession, and future business venture. Based on my consumption patterns and the fact that I never ever eat chocolate otherwise, I would say that her business is going to be a raging success.

My New Year’s Eve evening is reflective of my current state of being and hopefully isn’t a harbinger of things to come. I sat around sick for much of a day and started to coordinate plans. Liz brought me a plate of chicken and risotto from upstairs. And then I was in bed tucked away by 10:30pm.

The theme of 2017 is learning to sleep.

Travel

Returning to USA

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My return to USA (oosa, oosa, oosa) almost didn’t happen. We were floating around the pools in Seminyak ordering plates of foods, ice cream, cocktails. I walked out to see my final sunset on Legian Beach. I walked and wandered northward for my final massage. And then boarded my overnight flight bound for Shanghai and then San Francisco.

As uneventful as it was, I am not sure if I’ve ever slept better in my life. There may have been a recognition that something was ending, a chapter of my life perhaps…certainly the year. I unceremoniously rejoiced as I also let it be known to myself that there was a layer to be accepted, whether it would be consciously now or at another point. Let’s just make it to Pudong.

In typical form, I ate myself through the airport as time passed. I considered taking out my guitar and looked askance at the mix of mainland Chinese and SF tech bros/outdoorsy types boarding the plane.

The last few months in SE Asia have been more intense than I had anticipated or planned for, so much moving around from place to place. It has been opening but also impossible to plant any real roots, not just in terms of stability in routine but also what I want to do.

I’ve felt myself flex, grow older, want to do less, and mostly become okay with my choices and getting more in touch with my “wants.”

Goodbye, 2016. You were a great year, the best year. It hasn’t been an easy or straight path, but I think I’m at least finding the start of it.

Travel

Seminyak bookends

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Bringing things full circle. 5 years ago, I had left my 11-year relationship and was about to start a new job that ended up propelling my career in new and very good directions. It was a transition point. I was in Bali. It was my first solo trip. It was momentous. I sat at the bar of an Italian restaurant on my second and last night in Bali after a massage at Jari Menari, and I met my surfer friend Jake, who’s become an oddly important person in my life.

So as I was going through my usual routine of where to stay when I left the Bukit a few days ago, it turned out my friends were all staying in Seminyak. I booked a room at the Four Points Sheraton there. Continue reading Seminyak bookends →

Travel

Christmas in the Bukit

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On Christmas Eve, I was sitting in the breeze of the Kirana eating my breakfast of croissants, chicken bruschetta sandwich, and yogurt, fruit, and granola. I’m not going to lie – it was extremely pleasant (and caloric). I was waffling (not food-wise but mentally) about whether I should hole up and be alone or spend Christmas with three other groups – Jay and the nomads, John and his Singapore/HK crew, or with Jake in the Bukit.

Ever since the summer, I have been wondering if I should see Jake again. I met him 5 years ago in Bali. He’s a surfer who’s been living between Bali, Hawaii, and CA for the past 20 years and a good friend, though things can certainly be strained and odd between us for whatever reason…probably many reasons. He invited me to come stay at his place for the duration of my stay in Bali. He’s always so warm and welcoming, but our worlds could not be more different. His friends seem to all have past criminal records, have served prison time, and do bong rips before surfing in the ocean. The only thing I really want right now is to be taken to a nice fine dining Italian dinner. We have our basic human kindness in common and care for each other deeply even though we seem to barely speak the same language. Continue reading Christmas in the Bukit →