How do we prevent our issues from the past from dominating the discourse and our thought patterns in the present and future?  Sometimes there are lessons that get served up over and over and over again until you’re ready to not only learn them but radically course-correct your life according to that lesson.

“Lesson! Yes, I hear you and am in service to you, and I will change everything to show you that you have been learned. OOOOMMMM.”

Here are some lessons I’m learning the hard way:

1. Set boundaries. When you get used to people crossing your boundaries over and over again, it affects your self-esteem and overall sense of self. You are telling yourself and others that you don’t matter, that you have no right to ask more of the universe and people. It’s not okay for people to make you feel bad even if they didn’t mean it. Either communicate or walk away. Don’t go down the path of “maybe if…” Or, “I don’t she meant it that way.” Or, “maybe he’s having a bad day.” I love to give people many chances and rationalize away their bad behavior – it’s like a specialty of mine. People don’t change unless they truly want to and recognize it at a deeper level. Earlier this week, someone really nice said to me, “I think I may have crossed the line.” Boundaries at work! No one has ever said that to me before. And I had to walk away even though I didn’t want to, out of respect for myself. I hope this will become an instinctive habit rather than a conscious and painful undertaking over time. It’s hard to see the death of possibilities, but “sometimes, soooo-metimes you just have to walk away,” as Ben Harper would say.Assume good intentions but be prepared to take appropriate action.

2. What you think matters. Duh, ya think? Thoughts lead to feeling lead to action lead to outcomes. So start with your core beliefs – how you see things and what you tell yourself about yourself and the world around you. Negative thoughts and emotions can drain your entire life and day. So…walk away when you can.

Creative visualization is a technique that helps with manifesting what you want in your life. The more you can imagine what you want for your life in vivid detail, the closer you can get to achieving it. For example, if you’re about to give a speech, imagine yourself walking in the room, imagine what you’d say and how you would feel saying it, the response in the room. That’s a specific example, but the same applies to your vision for life.

3. Your energy and fulfillment has value beyond money. There are many ways to be rich and poor. What areas of wealth matter the most for you? And yet, we can all be bought to some extent. What’s your price? When is enough enough? Money seems to matter less to me than my emotional state, freedom, working with people who expand me, and feeling like I’m doing good in the world.

People will judge you for your choices, but so what? It says something about them and has nothing to do with you. I mean, don’t violate the law, but pursue your highest self in the image you’ve conceived.

4. Who you surround yourself with matters. Once again, uh-doi! So…surround yourself with quality loving people who support you and make you feel big. Thoughts lead to feelings lead to actions lead to outcomes. Those in your inner circle are the ones, combined with your own efforts (of course), who will make you bigger and realize the expanse of possibilities. We can all do much more than we think we can. Except those of us who are completely delusional and not self-aware…I know a few of those people as well… I think I’ve sometimes surrounded myself with people who need my help instead of those who can enrich me. Reciprocity is okay. Sorry world – I’ve now exited the business of saving people.

5. Stop delaying your happiness and making it contingent on outcomes. No more “I’ll be happy if I…”: lose 10 pounds, get XYZ job, find a partner, have $X money, buy a house, make it to some stupid list of some number under some number. Fuck that noise.

6. Set sane goals. Stop punishing yourself or feeling guilty about not pushing yourself to your limits. Forgive yourself.

7. Stop being afraid that you made the wrong decision. It’s hard to know if you’ve really started to love yourself. It’s kind of an elusive goal, but one test is to see if you’re confident and at peace with the decisions you’ve made. You’re not constantly asking yourself if you’re taking the wrong path or asking people what you should do because you know. That’s not to say you won’t ask for advice, but the final decision will rest with you and accord with what you truly want rather than carrying out something that someone else sees as the best outcome for you. There are no cookie-cutter answers that apply to all, just answers that are best for you.

8. It’s okay to ask people for things. You’re not bothering them. They’re not going to hate you.

9. Give. What you put out in the world, you’ll receive back multi-fold. Maybe not in the way you want or expect it. When you recognize the people who will take advantage of this, draw the boundary or leave and never look back. Erase their existence from your life. “Poof, be gone.” The most important thing to give is to give thanks. Life is annoying, but we have so much.

10. Communicate. Communicate in a constructive way. It’s okay if they hate you for it as long as you’re honest with yourself and not holding everything inside. You don’t have to be liked by everyone to be worthy. And you don’t have to say the same thing over and over again to people who don’t listen. But pick your battles.