Four year ago, I was traveling on my own for the first time basically ever – my 48-hour trip to Bali. On my second (and last) night on the island, I decided to treat myself to a lovely Italian dinner in Seminyak, a ritzy and now tourist-overrun beach neighborhood of Bali. I was sitting alone at the bar feeling free but also slightly self-conscious.

I felt the air pressure change next to me and felt the shadow of someone sitting down on the stool to my left. Instead of stiffening and staring down or straight ahead, I forced myself to turn and acknowledge this shadow’s presence. He drummed up a conversation and was clearly a bit nervous, which I found disarming and less threatening…almost charming. I felt myself relax a bit as he explained that he was in the back room for someone’s birthday party, he was a surfer and furniture-maker who had split time between Bali and California for the last 15+ years, etc. He was turning 38 the next day. I could tell he was nervous because he kept almost falling off the chair and then complaining about the screws in the chair in some incoherent way that seemed like nerves.

Eventually, his group of friends showed up from the back of the restaurant – a mixed crew of Indonesians and non-Indonesians, many of them women. Continue reading Before sunrise →

In February 2012, I visited Bali for the first time. I was visiting a good friend of mine from grad school in Singapore, and I took a few days to visit Bali as a side trip. I didn’t have enough pages left in my passport, so it almost didn’t happen. They wouldn’t let me get on the plane the first time around. But I went to the embassy in Singapore and was able to get on a flight one day later than originally planned. Magic.

I was going through a major transition (well, do we ever really stop that process? So tired, please tell me yes!). I had recently gotten out of an 11-year relationship. I was changing careers and starting a new job the following month. I had moved into an apartment and was living alone for the first time…ever. It was a trip that started a period of independence for me. It was my first solo trip ever, and the first of many since then.

I didn’t know what to expect, and I was completely blown away when I arrived at my palatial suite at the Intercontinental Hotel in the Jimbaran. Seriously, I felt like I was on a honeymoon with myself! From the balcony, I could hear the ocean. It was night, probably around midnight, and I ran down to the beach. I was alone. It was so quiet, and the waves were crashing down. When I think of the happiest moments of my life, this is one of them. Here’s a video:

The thing about recreating memories or returning to places from your past is that it’s often not possible. It was a special time at a special place at a special moment. It is a kind of magic. How do you find magic again? Unfortunately, I don’t think you can. I think it finds you when you’re chilled out and open, not frantically looking for answers.

This trip to Bali has been very different, equally special but certainly different. I’ve experienced the crazy hectic tourism that I missed the first time around. I’m older. My sensibilities have changed. I’m visiting new locations, thinking new thoughts. I haven’t even seen the beach yet. I don’t know why I’m avoiding it.

I need to stop waking up at 2am. And if I’m going to wake up at 2am, I should consider doing something other than spending 3 hours agonizing over travel itineraries and scenarios. Some decisions have been made at least. Osaka tonight. Kobe tomorrow night (most likely). Kuta in Bali on Thursday. And then…maybe I’ll stay there and surf or head to Ubud and the Gili Islands, which are less run down by tourists.

Ya think this could have taken me less than 2.5 hours? Continue reading 2am trip-planning neuroses →

I may even share a link to this to people I know. It’s a big step. Oh, and thank you, Lily.

I’m writing this blog to chronicle some of the randomness and serendipity of my life at this moment, share it with my friends, and hopefully, have it be a structure for expression, meaning, and useful new realizations.

It’s unintentional but somehow fitting that I’m starting this blog my first morning in Tokyo. After two weeks of loafing in San Francisco and a one-day stopover in LA (a sort of hiding out period for me), I’m in Asia. In a way, this feels like a return to the homeland and a reconnection with my roots…it’s close enough without being too close (i.e., it’s not Korea).

Traveling alone is euphoric, freeing, self-affirming, and expansive. Continue reading Welcome to my blog! →